i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize