I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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