I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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