He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize
