Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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