fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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