Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
