I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
