How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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