Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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