There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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