True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
