what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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