just come out here and I will go home with you...
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
