I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
