You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
