I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
