I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I think I just sharted jello shots
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
