worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
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