Dual....:-)
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
