i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
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