It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
