My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
