i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
