There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
