We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize