is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
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