It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
