I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
