i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize