just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
