don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
