so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize