He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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