id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
