I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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