jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Randomize
