I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
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