Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
