Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
you didnt know i had herpes?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
