Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
