woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
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