like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
My life is pants optional.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
