Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
