woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
