last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
