it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
