exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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