You're so nebulous sometimes
That's intense
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Blood and glitter go together right?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
