Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Randomize
