yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
