The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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