i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Randomize
