She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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