just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
