girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
