There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize