some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
