As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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