My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize