i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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