Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
