legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
