..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
