Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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