I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
