I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
