This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
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