Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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