one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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