omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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