That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
