i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Go christen that room with your naked body.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
