I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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