Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
