Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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