Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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