oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
