member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
