He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
