i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
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