Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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