i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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