I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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