Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
