just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
