you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
