i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize
