WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
