It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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