More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
