Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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